September 28, 2020: 3 Reasons Why Work Should Not Be Your First Priority

Hi, Ya'll.

So glad you're here. This week's post is actually one of the bigger reasons why I decided to start a blog. I know you are thinking, "Okay, so why am I learning how to prioritize my time by a chick who doesn't even work? " Hey, that is 100 percent accurate and I like your humor.

You can honestly replace "work" with any other hobby or interest you might have. This post is NOT just for people in the working world.

I want to share with you all my experience and what I have learned along the way when it comes to CENTERING your life. People are always trying to find ways to find balance in their lives, and the truth is, it is nearly impossible. Balance requires everything to be equal. That just isn't going to happen. When I write down my goals for myself, one of my top (and most important) ones is to have a CENTERED life. That means not everything is always going to have equal power and not everything is going to be getting the attention it deserves all of the time, but it teeter-totters like your favorite playground equipment.

Centering yourself and your life requires this beautiful thing called boundaries. When I was teaching, I had no idea what this word even meant. THIS is the issue. If you don't have boundaries if your life, then we would be besties and have lots to talk about and work through together.

Guys, I want to share this with you today because this is something I am extremely passionate about. It is so stinking easy to get wrapped up in your JOB and lose sight of what really is important and what REALLY should be having that higher position on the teeter-totter more than not. I know some of you may have gasped when I said "JOB" instead of passion or reason for freaking being on this planet. If you are someone that did think that when you read the word "JOB", then you my friend, NEED this post today.

Buckle up, Buttercups

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Reason #1: You Can ALWAYS be Replaced

We have ALL seen this reason or heard this sentence somewhere, but for some reason we forget it. Maybe it is because of our pride? Maybe it is because we don't want to think someone could possibly do what we could do as well as we do it?

Yes, I am sure your coworkers and boss absolutely love you, but don't you think for one little second that they can't find 100 other amazing people that would also do just as well at your position. I know that burns, but it is the honest truth.

Do you know where you CAN'T be replaced? Where your presence would be so missed that the whole structure of the lives of those affected would be in utter shambles? YOUR FAMILY. YOUR LOVED ONES. YOUR HOME. THIS is where you cannot find 100 other applicants that would do just as well at your "position".

** I URGE you to remember this whenever you feel GUILTY about having to leave work because your child is sick. **

** I URGE you to remember this whenever your husband has an award ceremony that you really don't want to miss, but you'd have to ask off work. **

** I URGE you to remember this EVEN when it seems as though some other people have forgotten and you think they may think poorly of you **

** I URGE you to remember this whenever you are pulled every single which way at work and you just need a day for your mental health. **

Guys, like I said previously, you may LOVE coming to work (like I did), you may really feel like you are making a difference (like I did), you may feel like this job is your absolute passion in life (like I did), BUT (I will say it louder for the people in the back) it is just a JOB. It is not worth losing your family OR your sanity over. Your mental health is something that is precious and can easily be affected by not remembering this first reason.

Please do not forget that your presence is needed and appreciated in other places than just your place of work or passion.

Reason #2: Something's Gotta Give

Meet Sally. Sally has a job that she absolutely loves. So much that she stays after work for 3 (or more) hours each day to prepare for the next day doing things that make her INCREDIBLE at her job. She feels so great about it, but she's still stressing about one little presentation that she has to do by next Friday. It seems to never end. By the time she goes home, it is 7:30 and she has to make dinner for her adorable family. Her oldest son needs help with his math homework. So while she is cooking, she is coming up with riddles for him to remember so that he doesn't skip a step in long division. Meanwhile, her sweet husband is trying to soothe the crying baby, but it isn't quite working so she abruptly snags the baby out of his hands while the pasta is finishing up. Finally, it is time to eat dinner. By the time dinner finishes, baths are given, homework is completed, and all kids are in bed, it is 9:30. Sally finally sits down and just wants a moment of silence to herself. Just when she relaxes, her husband wants her to go to bed with him. Sally says "I'll be right in. I am going to reply to a couple of emails I missed earlier today." Her husband goes to bed and by the time Sally joins him it is 11:30. He is dead asleep. She snuggles up and prays she will do better tomorrow.

Sound familiar? It sounds like a typical night in a busy household, right? What is missing? What could Sally have done differently?

Whether it is precious time with your spouse, giving your children the attention they need, or your own physical or mental health, if you are putting so much pressure and emphasis on your work life, something in other spectacular parts of your life will unfortunately (at times) suffer.

If Sally would have even just stayed after work for 1 hour instead of 3, it would have given her TWO more precious hours with her family. If Sally would have put up her laptop after dinner instead of answering emails, she wouldn't have gotten side tracked and ended up going to bed at 11:30 without having had snuggles from her man. She is also going to wake up groggy because she will only be getting 5 hours of sleep now instead of 8.

A friend of mine shared these pictures below on her facebook the other day and I really thought it just hit the nail on the head.

If Sally continues to toss the balls in the air that are plastic (like the emails she responded to after dinner), when they drop, they will be just fine. It is the balls that are glass that are scary when they hit the floor. These glass balls are your marriage, your children's well being, your own health, etc. Sometimes work problems can be glass balls like a large presentation you can't miss. Sometimes family situations can be plastic balls like remembering it is blue shirt day at school for your kiddos. It is up to YOU to decide what is a "plastic" ball and what is a "glass" ball.

Long story short, It is SO easy to be like Sally. She has so many hats she wearing and so many balls she is juggling. Whenever we feel like we chose the wrong ball to hold onto, we often feel like we failed.

Keep trucking, Mama (or Dad or Aunt or human being), keep working on it. You are going to be just fine.

Reason #3: Boundaries? Shmoundaries.

Okay, y'all. This is the last, but certainly NOT the least important reason. Boundaries. Many of us are awful with boundaries which leads me to my title of this entire blog post today. If you can't create boundaries for yourself in your place of work, then work should absolutely not be your first priority in your life.

Remember when Sally answered emails at like 9:30 at night? NO, SALLY, NO! Let me tell you a little secret, Sally is me. I am Sally. Do I have kids? Nope, not yet, but Little Miss Sally and I have one major thing in common. We have no understanding of the word BOUNDARIES.

This was a huge problem for me in the teaching world. Every single year I would tell myself that I wouldn't give out my phone number to parents. What did I do every single year? I gave my phone number to every family in my class and told them they could contact me at ANY time of the day (or night). I would so much rather their kiddo come to school worry free than stay up all night worrying about something I could have talked to them about at 9 pm on a Friday. NOOOO, Courtney, NOOO! I have been on phone conversations with parents about school related topics while at dinner (ok, a bar) on a Friday night. I would bend myself over backwards for my kids and do it happily, I might add. What would end up happening would be that my anxiety would go through the roof. I could never just relax because I was constantly worrying about my kids. Were they okay at home? Did Suzy bring her lunchbox home? Oh, I really hope John works on his decoding skills tonight. It was TAKING OVER MY LIFE.

This way of conducting my life was not healthy. It didn't allow me to prepare myself OR my students for hardships. Whenever my hubby, Will, was diagnosed with Chronic Immune Thrombocytopenia Purpura last year, I needed to take him to his 8 hour long transfusions every Wednesday. This meant I would have to take a day off once a week for a month. A couple weeks later, on a Sunday night, I received a call from one of our friends that is also a doctor at the hospital he works at saying that Will wasn't responding correctly when talked to. They said they think he could have a brain bleed caused by his ITP. This led him to be in the hospital and off work for 3 days with a 2 mm brain bleed. He needed me to be there for him. He needed my attention. He needed my love and affection and watchful eye for those few days.

Thank goodness I had a great support system at work, but I was beside myself worrying about Will, but also about my class. It was not healthy how worried I was about my class during this time. I was feeling so guilty about not being there with them and extremely concerned with how the parents felt with me being gone. How insane is that?? This is all because I did not set up correct boundaries for myself.

I had a wake up call after the amount of anxiety that came after this. I decided to go to therapy and take anxiety medication. This helped immensely. To think if I just had a healthy mindset about centering my life at this time, I could have avoided this pressure on myself to always be available to my children.

I truly hope that you will learn from my personal story. Take a breath, give yourself some grace, and realize you are more than what you do.

^^ Me with my MUCH healthier hubby celebrating the fact that we are having a girl!

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I know that this week's post was much more serious and real. I hope that it resonated with you like it did me today. I hope you realize that you are IMPORTANT. I hope you live your life the way you have always dreamed of with the right things at the top of your priority list.

You deserve all of it and more, Lovebugs.

Court xoxo

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