October 5th, 2020: 3 Reasons Why People Pleasing is Taking Over Your Life

Hi, Loves! Happy October! I am so stinking glad you are here today.

So, I had a whole other post planned out for today, but this topic is one that I personally have dealt with for entirely too long and I felt it was something that I needed to share this week.

People pleasing has been on my goal list for WELL over a year. I wrote (almost) every morning "I am not a debilitated people pleaser" in my journal. During this time, I had moved 5 hours away to Chattanooga, TN from my family in Indiana. I had a whole new group of friends that didn't know me yet and I was TERRIFIED of making them ticked off by just being myself. I kept thinking..

"What if I am not doing enough at my job?"

"What if I'm doing too much? Is that annoying??"

"Shoot, did I forget someone's birthday?"

"Am I being the best aunt that I can while being 5 hours away from the littles?"

"How can I make all of my friends and family feel special even if I don't see each of them as often anymore?"

CAN YOU FEEL THE PRESSURE THROUGH YOUR SCREEN!? It is enough to make a sane person go full on Britney 2007.

I know a TON of other people (not just ladies) that struggle with this topic daily. So, if this sounds familiar to you, my goal today is to help YOU learn to let the small things go and realize YOU are doing the dang BEST you can.

You are a special little gem, my friend. Read this post to the very end to see what makes your people pleasing self shine.

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Reason #1: You May Start to Lose Sight of Yourself and What You Really Want

If you are anything like me, you may find yourself bending over backwards to make others happy. You would much rather see other people happy than feel inconvenienced yourself. That is beautiful and all, but listen, if CERTAIN people see that you are doing backbends for other people then they may see that you can pretty much do what they want you to do.

It is so stinking important to have a backbone and a place to stand on. Whenever you don't think for yourself or speak up for yourself, then you SEEM like you are giving them permission to walk all over you, even when you are NOT. (Remember, I am speaking from experience here)

If you are too busy changing yourself and your plans to make others happy, over time you will start to forget what YOU want. It makes it even harder to give your own two cents once in awhile.

You, my love, have important thoughts and incredible tid-bits to add to any conversation or situation. You give good advice and have great taste! Don't dim your light just to make other people's light shine brighter. Self- recognition does not equal selfishness.

Reason #2: What Happens When You Can't Give Them What They Want?

Have you ever been texting with a friend, trying to make them feel better about something and they respond with "k."? (Every man in American is waving the hell out of their hands right now) It is the WORST feeling, right?? You start to think you might have caused this frustration and you may even lose sleep over it. You might start spiraling, thinking of all of the things you should have said only to find out the next day that she was actually going through a tough time with her SPOUSE. You, my golden peach, just lost hours of time with your own family to make sure someone else was happy with something you had absolutely no control over. How silly is that?!

There are some things that are just out of your control. Although you are a goddess, you are not a magician. You can't make dreams come true for other people all of the time. Also keep in mind that you can't make someone happy that has already made their mind up to be mad. Give those friends a little bit of a break and some space. They may be climbing a mountain you aren't aware of. In the meantime, try to relax and know that it is not your issue or your responsibility to make someone else's miracles happen. This is hard, but important.

Reason #3: You Can't Make Everyone Happy All of the Time

You are one person. Also, might I remind you, that you are also HUMAN. I am going to be straight up with you. I have a BIG, extremely close family and A LOT of very good friends. I had 11 bridesmaids. (Told ya) I wanted 15, but my hubby brought me back down to reality. I love my friends like they were my family and I love my family as if we shared the same breath. I can try, but it is nearly impossible for me to make all of the people in my life happy at the same time, ALL of the time. If you are like me, at some point, you are going to slip up and forget that the anniversary of Susie's grandmother's passing was Tuesday OR how about this scenario...

TWO important events are scheduled in one night and you have to make a decision that literally makes you want to throw up in a bush. These situations are just unavoidable. When these things happen, though, it is so easy to get riddled with anxiety worrying about hurting someone you love dearly. In reality, if they know you, they know that you will make whatever decision is best for all involved.

But wait, you're thinking "What if my friend or family member gets angry?" Well, I have been there, and it sucks. BAD. In fact, I cried and cried for hours. I am not going to say "If they are your friend then they will understand, and if they don't understand, then they weren't your friend to begin with." That is sort of crappy. Everyone has their days and that could have just been theirs. You will probably be getting an apology at some point and if you don't then you will just remember how they reacted during that time in the future.

BUT, I will say it again, you CAN'T make everyone you love happy at the same time ALL of the time. Just try to make the most of each moment you have with these special humans of yours. They love you and your heart for a reason.

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Now, I know that I just gave a ton of reasons why people pleasing is a negative thing, but please understand that it is NOT. The key is to know when it IS or when it is NOT appropriate.

Let's play a situation game:

- If there is something that you don't feel super strongly about and it would fill up your bucket to please that person: Appropriate

- If you felt like you made that person mad 2 days ago about something you made up in your head and you want to over do it with pleasing them by helping them with their to do list that you ALSO have to do: NOT appropriate (I've been there)

If you, like me, are working on the strength of your backbone, also remember that part of being a people pleaser means that you have a great deal of EMPATHY. This is a straight up gift from the Lord above. Don't ever lose sight of that gift. But also, know that it can be your greatest weakness if not used correctly. Know what you want in life and be passionate about those things.

Having the ability to share your passions and opinions is also a major gift. It has taken me at least 14 months to get to where I am right now when it comes to people pleasing. Do I still have a-ways to go? YES. Do I still worry about what other people think? Yup. But something I have learned is when I have literally no clue what I possibly could have done to make someone short with me or to make a situation better, it probably had nothing to do with me in the first place. Just wait it out, take a breath, give them space, and you will figure it out, too.

You can't make everyone happy all of the time in this life, but you can try your best to please others and yourself when the time calls for it. Just give yourself (and others) some grace.

Thanks for being here,

Court xoxo

P.S. Below are pics of our huge wedding party and family on the best day of our lives because PROOF.

Our Wedding Party

My 11 Beautiful Bridesmaids

3 More Gorg Besties with a Special Role

The First Guy I Ever Loved

My Wonderful In-Laws

My World!

Photographer: Tim Ivey with Imago Photography in Chattanooga, TN